Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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