Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
