saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
