Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
