I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
