hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
