Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
