John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize