she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
