I CAN MOONWALK!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
