well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
