Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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