god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
