some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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