eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
