The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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