I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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