the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
