hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
