I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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