I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
