so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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