You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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