Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
