My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
