got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
