By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize