Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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