my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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