I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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