I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
