My friends, they love my intelligence
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
