But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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