we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
