Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize