Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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