She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
