I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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