remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
