Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
