My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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