hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
