It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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