you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck me I smell like cheese
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
