one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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