Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
