He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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