he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
