we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he shaved USA in his pubs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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