Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize