So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
