the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
