there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
