Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
