...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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