We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
