Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
