We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
