He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
