He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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