Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
