you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
