biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i think i just lost a toe
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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