My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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