Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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