I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
