I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
