exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
