Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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