i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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