I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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