so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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