I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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