if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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