He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
