Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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