Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
