just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
