Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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