Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
