hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
