JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
