i wish my penis had a tongue
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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