Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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