Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Enjoy the penises
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
