cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
