why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
