I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
