nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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