idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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