I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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