chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
