So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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