SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
