I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize