HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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